shit yeah

THE CANK

2009-01-28T00:47:00.001+11:00

this makes me feeeeeeeel betta HOMEBOYZZZZZZZ and girlz.

We're all going to hell.

2007-11-11T10:12:00.000+11:00

At some point some wise guy thought it'd be a good idea create a sitcom. A sitcom in which Adolf Hitler is referred to as "mister sausage" and Eva Braun is his "hoochie coochie girl". And then they sing about it. A sitcom in which THEY HAVE JEWISH NEIGHBOURS CALLED THE GOLDSTEINS. IT'S HITLER. HE HAS JEWISH NEIGHBOURS. FUCKING HITLER WITH JEWISH NEIGHBOURS.

...anyway, the pilot is here for your viewing pleasure.

(Part one)

(Part two)

Those quirky nazi's.

(vomit)

stop the planet, i want to get off

2007-10-17T16:34:00.000+10:00

and you thought gumball machines were simple bastions of childhood delight? well you'd be WRONG

Three Dover officials say they've found a serious homeland security threat to chew on: gumballs.

They worry the colorful round treats could be poisoned by an enterprising terrorist who sees them as bait for unsuspecting targets -- young kids.

always good when politics dips into the heady waters of self-parody

[courtesy of we make money not art]

top gun is gay

2007-10-16T11:02:00.000+10:00

i mean, hell, we've all thought it, but it's that much cooler and convincing when it's being explained by quentin tarantino

double dutch

2007-10-09T22:19:00.000+10:00

alright, now i'm willing to admit that in the heat of the moment i may have rather brutally have written off the dutch. however, i'd like to perform one of my trademark backflips and declare that they are in fact ok. just ok. they're going to have to work for love from me.

Physics can be fun!

2007-10-08T16:20:00.000+10:00

A while ago we used to play a game called Porrasturvat (literally "Stair Dismount"), where the aim was to throw a man off a flight of stairs whilst inflicting the maximum amount of pain possible. You would pick the appendage to aim for, the force you would apply to this appendage and the angle to which you would apply this force. Then, the fun would begin, as the points began to roll in depending on how much damage you inflicted on this lifeless body. Back and neck breaks always scored well.

Then the sequel to this game, Rekkaturvat ("Truck Dismount"), involved a similar premise except you could now decide where the gentleman would sit on a truck as you drove it into a wall.

Now to the point of the post, EA Sports has created a new game called "Skate" which utilises these very same "crash physics".

Now, this, would have to be the funniest crash I have ever seen.

"Yeah, I meant to do that"

how in fuck's name did she do that?

2007-10-06T13:32:00.000+10:00

via videosift.com

...whoa. the best bit about this video is the bit where you realise you know how it's going to end...

(and yes, fairly NSFW)

[courtesy of within the cranium]

Stop! Grammar Time!

2007-10-05T16:26:00.000+10:00

Here is an excellent page of quotes where Batman is lecturing Robin in the 1960's Batman TV Series.

Batman: "Better put 5 cents in the meter."
Robin: "No policeman’s going to give the Batmobile a ticket."
Batman: "This money goes to building better roads. We all must do our part."

Robin: "Holy molars! Am I ever glad I take good care of my teeth!"
Batman: "True. You owe your life to dental hygiene."

Robin: "You can’t get away from Batman that easy!"
Batman: "Easily."
Robin: "Easily."
Batman: "Good grammar is essential, Robin."
Robin: "Thank you."
Batman: "You’re welcome."

More here via [Neatorama]

music is awesome

2007-10-03T10:04:00.000+10:00

musicmap and tuneglue. two versions of exactly the same service. hip huzzah!

musicmap is a stark white exercise in ever so pretty music networking minimalism. essentially you put in an artist, choose an album from the list and this becomes your starting point. click on the node and select expand and it generates a range of new suggestions. from somewhere. these suggestions then link back to any of the albums you've already opened up so you can get a nice visual sense of musical compatibility between different projects. it does seem to have a slightly limited database to draw upon though. i managed to move from minimal techno (the amazing gui boratto) to the white stripes in two expansions.

tuneglue is almost identical, although it is more artist (rather than album)-oriented, looks a little clunkier (it seems to think page space is a precious resource) and is integrated with the last.fm database, making it more exhaustive than musicmap. which helps. there is also an unnerving tendency for your webs to start trying to make their escape to the left of screen if left for a while. maybe they can sense the death metal boys hovering around the next expansion and want to get out while the getting is good. they shouldn't be so scared though. metal dudes aren't that scary. LOL.

such dutch!

2007-09-28T14:47:00.000+10:00

coming from australia, sometimes it's hard to understand exactly why the dutch are so reviled throughout europe. and then you see something like this, and all becomes clear.

they call it shit-hop

2007-09-27T00:19:00.000+10:00

now i, like many other stridently white young males, enjoy a good ol' fashioned slab of hometown hip-hop now and then. however unlike many of the aforementioned stridently white young males, my taste in hip-hop tends to run towards the cheerlessly esoteric, problematically white end of the ledger. for example soft atlas by 13 & god (mediafire. why anyone uses zshare is truly beyond me), a collaboration between a german synth-pop group and a collective of canadian improv rap poets, is my idea of an almost perfect hip-hop song. but that possibly turgid example of arthouse hip-hop doesn't mean that i don't know how to get down with the kids when required. i can dance. i can get funky. i can, and do, recite the entirety of boom! shake the room by jazzy jeff and the fresh prince. no matter how inappropriate the occasion. hell, i don't come to the block party, i am the block party!

whatever that means. something to do with lego?

yeah. something like that. so, shit-hop. because once you get over the shootings and misogyny and what not, hip-hop is, in the words of the great tobias funke, ripe for parody. two small offerings:

first to flight of the conchords, two musical comics of new zealand extraction who now have a rather nifty showon HBO in the states, which our house has recently been getting amorously involved with. being musically inclined, they occasionally sing songs. one of them was a little bit hip-hop.

and second, i recently ran across this small scene from the late 80s masterpiece teen witch, a snippet which (ha!) someone described as being the moment in which (ha?) hip-hop died. i'd like to throw into the murderous bargain its wholesale slaughter of perms, hats, pushbikes, the colour pink, singlets, vests, sidekicks, witches the word 'funky' and that awesome tough guy arm-folding thing you used to be able to do where you leaned back and used your top hand to clasp your shoulder. man. they're so hardcore. and white. like me.

litmus test of what is funny

2007-09-23T13:35:00.000+10:00

i defy you to watch the following video without laughing:

Its a freaking MONKEY WASHING A CAT!!!!1!

Obey the law! Post-surgery madness!

2007-09-19T08:54:00.000+10:00

The following clips provided me with a great deal of solace and confusion (in equal parts) whilst i was coming down from surgery and its assorted painkillery badnesses. Mixed in with a dash of courage and three teaspoons of pants, what does that spell?

COURAGE!

Enjoy.

(drum solo)

small art objects

2007-09-17T13:59:00.000+10:00

i wish i could draw, but it was clear to all from an early age that it was not to be. considering i was the last person in my class to be granted a pen licence, ambitions towards figurative representation were fairly low on the agenda. i also think my (to this day) ongoing inability to cut in a straight line was a dead give away. for various reasons my mum still has hung on the wall a Roman-esque profile i drew of her at the tender age of 7. this crayon laced masterpiece has her inexplicably clad in a rusty t-shirt and topped by a head that resembles nothing so much as a horizontal traffic cone with hair. she also, for reasons that continue to escape me, has three sets of teeth. above her head are the words 'my mum', spaced so that i ran out of room and had to do the 'u' and 'm' on an increasingly precipitous angle down the canvas (read: A4 paper). given that this remains the only artwork of mine still adorning the house, i can only presume that this was the apex of my artistic career.

hence the fact that i generally let other people be creative for me.

in the grand new tradition of feed the head comes treasure box, another casually beautiful slab of flash tomfoolery. whittle away a few minutes with low end surrealism.

also currently impressing is this stop motion wall animation by blu. he has another one entitled walking, which is similarly impressive, as is his general collection of street art

[both courtesy of the wooster collective]

black ghosts film clip

2007-09-16T13:22:00.000+10:00

the film clip for "some way through this", by the black ghosts, is awesome.

politically incorrect kids' alphabet

2007-09-15T10:07:00.000+10:00

this took my fancy. remember how a was for a apple, b was for ball, and i was for indian? well it ain't any more! political correctness gone too far? perhaps. political incorrectness gone hilariously too far? this politically incorrect alphabet certainly is.

some flash flash

2007-09-12T13:43:00.000+10:00

in an annoying attempt to further distract my roommate, who is trying oh so diligently to complete his honours thesis, i present a list of wonderful time-wasting flash toys.

this list is by no means complete and will be updated in regular installments....

flow is a game best played in full-screen mode. it is a beautiful amoebic world where you eat things and evolve towards the dark depths of the ocean. if you hit the ` key you can enter a "cheat" mode where pushing keys can do suprising things.

in pictaps you draw something, and it dances, to a boppy beat. completely pointless, but strangely addictive.

flash tron was a game we once incorporated into our radio show after I had so much trouble getting past level 3. apparently it is possible. see if you can reach tron omega!

boomshine is a game where you click in a space to cause an explosion, which when touching one of the coloured balls on-screen, creates a chain reaction. the higher the levels the more of a chain reaction you need to create. i passed this game, and i feel a strange sense of achievement because of that fact.

shuffle is an institution in our house. last exams there were many-er cry of "just one more game then i'll begin studying". it is fucking addictive.

this i love death cartoon is the most offensive in its first 10-seconds. after that it is interesting, funny, shocking and strangely poignant. not a game. not addictive.

no post on flash by me would be complete without a reference to desktop defense. it is by no means a new game concept, but it is the best flash recreation on the web to date. and believe me, i have researched. each game (start to finish) takes around 50 minutes. be warned.

You tell 'em!

2007-09-12T10:09:00.000+10:00

Not many people leap to the defense of Britney, everyone's least favorite manitou. But here's footage of a really compelling... well, i'll let you guys be the judge.

Now i know it's almost become unhip to bag her on account of the obviousness of it all. When she was at least making money, as opposed to living off her own fatty deposits and prowling LA at night guzzling stray cats, there were certain elements of her career and/or look that had their merits, scant though they were. Now, however, it's like shooting fat, ugly fish in a barrel of fat, ugly has-beens. It's bizarre - she looks sticky. Like, all of the time. Like some school fete lollipop of indeterminate make and brand which rolled under the car seat, got covered in fluff, and grabbed by your dog. The dog, it should be noted, coughed it out three seconds after making contact with it, and several minutes later the car backed over it, leaving a twisted strip of plastic and shards of furry sugary gunk.

Which, for me, pretty much sums up Britney Spears.

the future

2007-09-11T13:20:00.000+10:00

i liked it back when the future was the future. when every piece of novel technology came with lots of flashing lights and ambient humming. when flying cars jetted through the sky, the latest synth pop hit blaring from its casette deck. yeah, that's right. flying cars with casette decks. holy shit, the future is awesome. remember the transformers soundwave and blaster? (individual articles on both of them. wikipedia continues to impress) somehow technology had evolved to the point where the production of an entire race of giant, sentient robots was a feasible option, yet cassettes remained the recording technology of choice. maybe it had vintage charm. or maybe the transformers had been subject to crippling budget cutbacks. either way, as the picture above clearly shows, those guys knew how to throw a good ol' fashioned cybertron block party. when they weren't trying to kill each other.

but all of this is but glazing on the main event: computers!

yes, that's right for the paltry sum of $3495 you, yes you, could be the proud owner of 10MB of hard drive POWER. just think of all the binary pieces you'd be able to store in 10MB of POWER. 10 MILLION pieces of binary! you'd be the envy of the entire neighbourhood. but what's that, computers are only going to get more powerful? but it's 1967, surely technology has already gone as far as it can. or has it?

movie tidbits

2007-09-10T19:32:00.000+10:00

movies. yay.

first up: let's revisit some childhood trauma. now, i get the feeling that i wasn't the only person whose parents confidently sat them down in front of 'return to oz' expecting another gleeful romp through dorothy's musically driven hypercolor wonderland. only to then discover a dark, brooding reversion of events, with far less music, and far more electroshock therapy. jesus. this is the kind of shit that stays with you as a kid. to this day, screeching sounds, a la the wheelers, still put me on edge. as this clip shows, with good cause:

my mother was so confident in her choice that she left me, as a four year old, in front of this film by myself. i'm still recovering.

and secondly: anyone remember this film? because i barely do (it's michael mann's 'heat'... which sounds saucier than it actually is). i only mention it because during and after its rather spectacular pacino-de niro showdown it plays host to a beautiful musical segue that features a moby (before he got shit) tune called 'god moving over the face of waters' coming out of a piece by the kronos quartet (who, as far as i can tell, didn't get shit). it works awesomely in the film, but stands by itself as an amazing piece of emotive minimalism, full of cascading arpeggios and surging string washes. as i've been studying i've been listening to it almost on repeat for the past few days, and can imagine that i'll be getting increasingly obsessed as the due date of my thesis draws ever closer. eep. you can find it here

[courtesy of selective service]

big call

2007-09-10T16:47:00.001+10:00

2007-09-07T18:26:00.000+10:00

perez hilton has scans of avril lavigne's "ten commandments". holy shit, it is one of the funniest things ever. a few are below, but seriously, check them all out

calvin and hobbes

2007-09-06T19:16:00.000+10:00

i grew up on a steady diet of calvin and hobbes. steady like a long term marriage with two children and not a hint of gay scandal in the air. it was thick on the ground. it took over where the low end atrocities of garfield and footrot flats left off (jesus christ, those two smack of mis-spent youth) and worked in double tandem (trandem?) with the far side and herman for the rest of my print cartoon reading life. but fuck: calvin and hobbes man. the characters, humour, artwork, ideas, commentary and emotion were, and remain, so far beyond anything else i've seen in the medium, and bill watterson's commitment to his artistic integrity was refreshing when set against jim davis' regurgitated lasagne shtick hell smear. now there's a phrase you're probably never going to see again. but anyway, the point of all this nostalgic frippery?

here is a collection of every calvin and hobbes strip, presented terribly and arrayed by month, but that is, nonetheless, pretty fucking awesome. of course if one was really committed, one would purchase the three volume hardcover collection, but that would likely depend on one's financial status. or lack thereof. FUND ME.

p.s. fuck i hate garfield. it's a bit old now, but this 'random garfield generator' gives you a fair idea why it deserves our loathing. and is also markedly more entertaining than the real thing.

the beat goes on

2007-09-06T08:46:00.000+10:00

apple's latest press conference unveiled such goodies as a 160 gig ipod and the new ipod touch which is basically an iphone without phone. plus a deal with starbucks which sounds cool in a "the world gets a little more like the future" kind of way, but scary in a "starbucks is evil" ("and their coffee is average") kind of way.

the blow-by-blow account is at endgadget.

ninja turtle art

2007-09-04T20:13:00.000+10:00

el gran fiktion sets itself a theme every month and then the readership make art based on the theme. one theme was teenage mutant ninja turtles and some of the artwork was awesome. via notcot.

lego hawking

2007-09-03T12:19:00.001+10:00

LUKE'S SUGGESTED ADDENDUM:
From our hero, Shaun Micallef

no amount of explaining....

2007-09-02T19:14:00.001+10:00

cars!!!!%2$!!!

2007-09-02T17:39:00.000+10:00

i've always hated cars. well, not so much hated them, as have found almost everything that one could say or do with them of profound disinterest. to my mind it's a piece of metal that goes, and as long as it continues to go, i am a happy chappy.

but now that all seems set to change. i present to you the M200G.

that's right, it's a flying saucer...ish. and evidently comes with a natty helmet and speed stripes up the front. me wantee. although in it's stead i may just settle for the delorean re-release coming through next year.

coming up next, the boeing millenium falcon. awesome.

postscript: and now i've discovered a proposed dubai car powered by a horse on a conveyor belt. it's named naturcar. because there ain't nothing more natural than a horse on a conveyor belt. the auto industry continues to amaze.

don't stop

2007-08-31T12:28:00.000+10:00

everyone's favourite free newspaper had an article a while ago that said you save about 2 minutes by walking through the flashing red man traffic lights instead of waiting for green, when quickly dashing from fed square to melbourne central.

they didn't tell you he would KICK YO ASS if you do.

directed by joeri holsheimer @ czarevich amsterdam and production by hans loosman @ valkieser amsterdam.

why the internet is awesome

2007-08-31T11:54:00.001+10:00

The mvideo project was created by selecting from 1,100 clips submitted from 65 countries.

Superman, Spiderman and a whole bunch of crack.

2007-08-31T08:23:00.000+10:00

I'm not going to sit here and try to explain why Spiderman can apparently fly, nor defend the quality of the crappy costumes. But good god, if i ever become a super hero, you can bet I'll be suffering from fits of squalid choreography every damn day.

million dollar day

2007-08-29T23:46:00.000+10:00

at risk of this fast turning into a food blog, i still feel compelled to present to you

How to Spend A Million Dollars On Food in a Single Day

i think our idea of placing ecstasy tablets in pepper-grinders may also boost this total a little....

the facts of life

2007-08-29T18:39:00.000+10:00

if you're not a regular peruser of the new york times i can strongly suggest heading over to bugmenot and picking up a free password (i'm a lazy and poor man. you should be too), so as to permit access to their wide variety of generally above par articles.

you have to work for superlatives from me.

one that particularly entertained me of late was this appraisal of the mathematic logic behind the fairly non-controversial assumption that men have more sex than women.

In study after study and in country after country, men report more, often many more, sexual partners than women.

One survey, recently reported by the federal government, concluded that men had a median of seven female sex partners. Women had a median of four male sex partners. Another study, by British researchers, stated that men had 12.7 heterosexual partners in their lifetimes and women had 6.5.

But there is just one problem, mathematicians say. It is logically impossible for heterosexual men to have more partners on average than heterosexual women. Those survey results cannot be correct.

all of us are lying to researchers about sex. and i think that is pretty awesome. a better conversation piece i can barely imagine... and while we're talking about sex, this is the EU's attempt to promote how awesome the sex in their films is. because they didn't already have a reputation.

feed the head

2007-08-28T22:26:00.000+10:00

back during exams i wasted a lot of time on feed the head

now seems an apt time to share my spoils. speaking of spoils....

ninjas

2007-08-28T20:26:00.000+10:00

ninja figurine madness, by martin klimas, via the eye dropper.

Britney Strikes Back.

2007-08-28T11:52:00.001+10:00

Hey hey, everyone. Shhhh... Calm yourselves, daddy's here.

Back from the brink of the fattest level of hell, Britney is ready to spew more turgid idiocy into our collective consciousness. Here are the lyrics to Britney's new "track". As you can see, she's crawled her way out of the musical sphincter she's been drowning in of late, and emerged a butterfly of songwriting saavy and verve. I really feel that she's addressing some important issues here, but i'll let you make up your own mind.

Looking for that someone
And everyday, I sit and kneel and pray
Oh, sweet love, can I get some?
So why do you desert me, baby boy?
I need your love right now!
And if you desert me, baby boy
Don't you leave me in your crowd

(Talking)Hey baby, what time you gonna get home?
Oh, really? Alright, well, I'll see you later, then
Oh, wait
Would you mind getting some…
Yeah, when you come home
Yeah, that's it
I love you too
Bye

(Singing)Some day when you see my face
You will think that you have won
And some day when it's all away
Our love just begun
So why did you desert me, baby boy?
I thought that you, you were the one
So if you preferred the other one
She won't bring you the sun.

...sweet merciful crap. Didn't that just give your brain an erection?

Miss South Carolina is a dumb bitch.

2007-08-28T00:25:00.000+10:00

Hola! It is i, the lesser known, taller and handsomer one of the four horsemen. The tall brooding one with all the ladies trailing in my wake, like bits of paper following some guy on a horse.

King. Of. Words.

Anyway, here is a recent vid of Miss Carolina being a dumb bitch. I thought hard about a clever way to wend my way around the words "dumb bitch", but decided you kids were too clever and would see right through it. See? I'm also the honest one.

NB: I'd totally never hit that.

i just really, really wanted to know what it looked like

2007-08-27T13:12:00.001+10:00

can you believe that after 15 minutes of hunting the internet for images of 'geriatric bodybuilders', this is the best i could find?

i know. i'm shocked too. although, it does kinda resemble the time that i went searching for female sumo wrestlers, and came across this:

yes sir, if there is hope in the world, we can definitely find it in the beautiful landscape of knowledge exchange that is the internet.

what i did on youtube this morning....

2007-08-27T12:31:00.001+10:00

i still reckon the old-school warner brothers cartoons have the best sense of comic timing around. classic comedy techniques of misdirection and building tension to a point where anything is funny are more often than not beautifully executed.

so i spent this morning watching a lot of the cartoons on youtube

google picnic

2007-08-26T01:26:00.001+10:00

i want to go to a google picnic. when i have my own company every 'team bonding'-style event is going to be catered like this.

wow. a post about seasoning, and now this. i must be hungry.

NMKY

2007-08-25T00:15:00.000+10:00

there are those moments in life, when you find yourself home alone on a friday night, disconnected from the world, staring at the dim illumination of your computer screen and wondering what exactly it is that you do, in fact, have to live for. all is dark, and hope seems but a distant romance from a long forgotten age. the ice age. possibly even earlier. maybe something with dinosaurs. either way, it's probably safe to say mammals were a few pegs down the food chain... so there you are, lost in the seething discontent of this dinosaur-infested emotional wilderness, casting about for a trace of meaning, a skerrick of inspiration. and just when you're finally on the verge of giving up and reaching for the spud gun (hey, if you're going to die, you may as well do it in style) BAM! youtube intervenes.

it's a glorious time to be alive. and finnish.

internet commenter business meeting

2007-08-24T15:09:00.000+10:00

we all love internet comments.....

they're coming

2007-08-23T21:23:00.000+10:00

well, holy mother of god, the chemical brothers are coming back. march 5 at the vodafone arena. this, i assure you, is call for no small measure of excitement. because prior to this point i've managed to skilfully avoid every live show they've put on in my vicinity. but not this time. this time i'll be hauled off stage by security as i frantically try and hug ed during the sunshine underground. it shall be memorable.

star guitar from glastonbury. are you aquiver? i know i am.

best birthday message ever

2007-08-22T13:08:00.001+10:00

I can't decide whether this kid is petrified of the camera or the hugging elmo behind him....

fame is a fickle beast

2007-08-22T10:24:00.000+10:00

so, there you are, merrily prancing away in the background of a mid-range pop video, when you are plucked from obscurity by the libidinous excesses of the pop queen in question. a torrid love affair, brief marriage, briefer hip-hop career and two children later and you're a search engine. wait, what's that you say luke? a search engine? yes, that's right. immortality can now be guaranteed for the fleeting famous via your new incarnation as a search engine. because, why would anyone use a regular, exhaustive search engine, when they could be touring the web under the watchful gaze of search with kevin, which surely ranks amongst the most uninspiring concepts of all time. bottoming out somewhere alongside syphilitic plague. for me, fun searching generally involves the easter bunny and a fuckload of chocolate, or the possibility of finding a body in a swamp. searching with kevin, on the other hand, involves the possibility that you may be made one of his top 8 myspace friends. and boy, you would rule the school with that. ain't nobody gonna fuck with k-fed's homies.

[via hypocritical mass]

tuscan seasoning

2007-08-21T21:05:00.000+10:00

lately we have been enjoying tuscan seasoning on pretty much everything. the stuff is more addictive than crack. luke licked it off his palms the other night. i have just realised there is a "jar" option in addition to the "shaker" option, as shown above. where can we mail order a jar of this from?

camel

2007-08-20T23:45:00.000+10:00

in one of the more bizarre news stories to come out of brisvegas...

A PET camel that killed a 60-year-old woman in a bizarre attack in Queensland's outback had been given to her as a birthday present from her family.

The 10-month-old animal knocked the woman to the ground, stomped on her head and then lay on top of her yesterday at her sheep and cattle property near Mitchell, about 600km west of Brisbane.

[news.com.au]

personally, i was suprised that the camel had not previously been properly restrained after it "[attempted] to smother the family's pet goat on numerous occasions by sitting on it." i mean, come on. WARNING SIGNS PEOPLE!

of even more intrigue is the quote from queensland police detective senior constable craig gregory conveniently left out of the above article, but was included in this BBC report

I'd say it's probably been playing, or it may be even a sexual sort of thing

the only question left for me after my extensive research on this story, is whether I should make a joke about the woman being humped by a camel?

I decided it may be in poor taste....

getting ahead of the hype

2007-08-20T23:20:00.000+10:00

cool director.
cool actor.
cool play.

what's not there to be excited about?
maybe the hype machine.....

my kind of death

2007-08-20T22:09:00.000+10:00

now, i'm not entirely sure exactly why i glean such pleasure from this. schadenfreude? or maybe the fact that the gecko is called Helmut...

A MAN who lived in his own “zoo” of lizards and insects was fatally bitten by a pet black widow spider — then eaten by the other creepy-crawlies.

Police broke in to Mark Voegel’s apartment to find spider Bettina along with 200 others, several snakes, a gecko lizard called Helmut and several thousand termites had gorged on his body.

[planetsave]

that would be one nutty eulogy...

progressive politics

2007-08-19T19:02:00.001+10:00

ah, those were tumultuous years. it seems even batman was caught off guard... he should have just stuck with robin.

whimsy #1

2007-08-19T16:25:00.000+10:00

Here's a pretty interesting thing.

I was weeding the garden today and i found a used bullet. This doesn't exactly placate my fears that the house i live in used to be brimming with disrepute; a few months ago this exchange took place:

2pm, Saturday.

Policeman 1: ...So where is he now?

Tully: Well he left the house and went off into the park, and last time i saw him he'd gone around the corner.

Policeman 2: Could i grab one of your names?

Tully: Yeah. Tully... Hansen.

Policeman 1: So, he LEFT your house?

Tully: About a minute before you guys arrived. Then we ran outside.

Paul: Yeah. He came in about a half hour ago, knocked, then walked past me and into the... the kitchen?

Tully: Yeah, out the back, we just assumed he was a neighbours kid.

Paul: I thought he'd lost his ball or something. Then he came back into the corridor, turned the light on and opened the door under the stairs...

Tully: He turned the light on?

Paul: Yeah, he turned it on, then opened the door, then shut it, then he ran on up the stairs. He was looking around but i don't think he knew where he was.

Tully: Nina and i went up after him, he went into a few rooms, then came back downstairs and went into another room.

Paul: He was scowling and making animal noises and he locked himself in there, then later he just came out and left the house.

Policeman 1: And this was just before we arrived?

Tully: Yeah.

Policeman 1: How strange.

Paul: I think he wasn't... right. He really didn't know what was going on.

Policeman 1: And how big was he?

Tully: Oh, about... (gestures)

Paul: About ten, i'd say.

Policeman 1: ...ten? Weird.

Tully: He was wearing a Carlton singlet.

Policeman 1: Oh, ok.

Paul: He was about ten, longish hair, no shoes. I figured maybe his parents let him wander off from the game over at the MCG.

Tully: I thought he was homeless, maybe.

Policeman 1: Well... that's weird. We'll go look for him, i'm sure he's close by.

Policeman 2: Thanks.

Tully: It was just really odd.

Policeman 1: I understand, yeah. You guys have been here for about six months, yeah?

Paul: Yeah, about that.

Tully: Why?

Policeman 1: Well we have a bit of a story about the house, thats all.

Tully: Oh, thats... ok.

Policeman 1: Well we did an eviction on the previous tennants. Yeah, we had to come by and do the eviction, they weren't paying rent or whatever. But guess who came along to collect a debt from them on the day of the actual eviction?

Paul: Who?

Policeman 1: Chopper Read. He came and the guy didn't have any money, but he collected wine so Chopper left with crates of red.

Paul: Jesus.

If any of my friends find me hanging from hooks in he attic, just chalk it up to the general sketchiness of this particular piece of real estate. Is it possible that i'm typing this atop an indian burial ground? Anyone see Poltergeist? With that girl and the television?

...eh, you're too young.